calcitrants | IC INBOX [ERKU]

[McGillis chides him, though only with the best intentions.]

You're allowed to feel things, Ignis.

[Which should have gone without saying, which he might not have believed himself... but he had come a long way since his unceremonious arrival to Erku months and months ago. More like a lifetime ago, or at least so far in the past he could no longer pinpoint what happened and when. So maybe McGillis Fareed was finally paying it forward to someone else, at long last.

Threading their fingers together, McGillis finishes his glass and allows Ignis a moment to gather himself. On your own time, friend.]

I have people that I have to take care of.

[ he says quietly, but he finishes his glass before rising. he knows it's not much of an explanation, but it's how he's always operated until now -- and he knows mcgillis knows, this, too; after all, the man's been trying to make him put himself first from time to time.

and ignis appreciates it, just as he appreciates him. curling his fingers together with his before he rises, he gently tugs on his hand. he's grateful, all things considered, because he knows he's got plenty of problems of his own to sort out, and trusting mcgillis feels like he'd taken a leap of faith that's paid off.

he pauses for a moment, then muses dryly. ]

It's almost funny. The two times that I've been at my lowest and needed someone -- both times, you're there.

[Ignis has also likely learned by now that it didn't take much to prod McGillis do this or that thing, not when he was already hopelessly fond; as the other man pulls at his hand, he follows along and steps closely and comfortably into his space. Sliding a hand behind his neck—a vulnerable place on any human being—he leans down to touch their foreheads together.

This beautiful man could absolutely, positively kick his ass and he pays subtle deference to that now.]

Nothing funny about it. Just a happy coincidence, I suppose.

[ ignis is usually sensitive about that gesture and isn't prone to let anyone simply curl their hand over the back of his neck -- there are a hundred different ways things can go wrong, but with mcgillis, he eases into it and leans into him.

this is different, and he raises their joined hands to press a kiss to the back of mcgillis' as he meets his eyes. learning to be vulnerable around people is still new to him, and he draws closer to nose at his cheek, his own cheeks flushed with the alcohol and the delicious vintage wine on his breath. ]

I'm glad you're here.

[ he's intoxicated and honest enough to admit it, because even ignis can't be everything to everyone at once, even if he does his level best. in mcgillis' company, he feels most like himself, divested from his duties and yet still capable of a thorough ass-kicking. a few hours just to deal with his own grief, and he'll be right as rain. ]

Although it is a little galling that you have to see me like this.

To see you like what? Like yourself?

[Always available for a quick tease, this McGillis. He squeezes around his neck, not as a threat but as an extension of deep trust—a signal that he recognized their capability to harm each other yet chose not to do so. Like an affectionate pet, he rubs back at his face, smiling almost secretively.]

Shall I hold you? Or would you rather cling to pride and babble on about food instead?

[Sorry, Ignis. He loves your cooking but now was not the time to muse about the proper technique for frittatas.]

[ it's the terrifying thing about opening yourself up to someone -- knowing that they can hurt you, and yet trusting them not to. ignis finds himself smiling right back, warmed by mcgillis' humour and reminded that he's not alone.

he presses a soft, grateful kiss to the side of his mouth, lingering briefly as his eyes flicker up to his. ]

How are you this feisty this early in the morning? [ he pulls away only to lead him to the bedroom, glad for the distraction. the idea of just curling into mcgillis is an appealing one; for a few hours, he can just slip away from the rest of reality and just be with him. ]

I've been up for almost thirty hours, and you're holding me in bed. [ look, he's affectionately bossy again. ] We're also discussing just how you managed to ruin frittatas.

[ you know it's going to bug him forever if you don't tell him, right, mcgillis... ]

[Lacking his usual burdensome layers, McGillis hits the sheets and pulls Ignis into his arms. He rolls around with him, makes a complete and utter mess of the bed, then settles on his back with a broad smile. Once again, even if Ignis was the more powerful party, McGillis takes immense pride in protecting his partner and preening him with gentle touches to his face and hair.]

Maybe I'll make you something. I'm a decent hand at breakfast now.

[God, he should have never mentioned those damn frittatas. Or arrived in that flamboyant excuse for a scooter. He refuses Ignis with a stubborn shake of his head, holding tighter to him—the fierce dragon protecting his beloved treasure. He certainly looked the part and didn't seem at all inclined to surrender it to anyone.]

The stove... the stove, my kingdom for a stove! 'twas not I to blame.

[Maybe "silly" was a better word than feisty here.]

[ ignis likes him very much without his burdensome layers, even though he's really devastatingly gorgeous in that gjallarhorn uniform. he readily sinks into bed with him, unable to help but laugh a little as he makes a mess of ignis' impeccably made bed.

they're nesting, totally nesting, because he's wrapping his arms around him and nuzzles into that broad, strong chest. ignis feels safe with him, feels like he's protected, leaning up to nuzzle against him with a soft sigh.

he likes the warmth of mcgillis' attention, tangling their limbs together as he burrows into that powerful body; how strange it feels to want to be protected by a dragon of a man, guarded and held like something important, and he grips him just as possessively. sorry, mcgillis, he's not letting you go anytime soon, and he'll fight anyone who tries. ]

I believe you. Did you turn the flames up too high, my dear dramatic McGillis?

[It was an exceedingly rare moment that McGillis Fareed would cuddle anyone for any reason but he treats Ignis to all the closeness that he can bear. While he couldn't summon armaments from thin air or wield a javelin with quite as much skill, he nevertheless was strong enough to keep him safe—even if he couldn't protect him from that terrible truth he would have to tell.

Eventually he settles with his head resting tenderly on Ignis' shoulder, his breath low and slow. Today his lion was a dragon and very content to nest with his chosen mate.]

Probably.

[McGillis mutters it against his skin, idly picking through his bangs.]

You smell like way too much wine. And awful whiskey.

[ mcgillis is smart, dangerous and strong enough to be a deadly force to be reckoned with in his own right, and it's a privilege to be someone that he wants to keep safe. ignis finds that he's just as protective, just as willing to strike at whomever who's foolish enough to hurt mcgillis on his watch.

he contemplates his own feelings on the matter, pleased at how he fits right in his strong, muscular arms, leaning up to nuzzle into his neck, his jaw, doting on his dragon. ]

You drank a lot of it the other time, you know. [ he's slowly unbuttoning mcgillis' shirt as he goes. he leans in close to hear the reassuring beat of his heart. ] Tell me more about you. I told you so much about me today.

[Oh, how he hates this question. Gaelio has asked it before—more than once—and he never knew what to say then either. So he struggles a little.]

I like birds.

[...well, that was pretty lame. Maybe he should elaborate on that.]

When I was young, I would watch them in the garden. I admired them for beautiful and how free they were. I would sketch them and catalogue them and one day my partner bought me an atlas and I obsessed over every page. When I arrived here, Prompto showed me a picture of a chocobo, and I...

[Breathing deep, overwhelmed by the memory as he recites it.]

I fell in love. Perhaps it was the first sign that I truly belonged here.

[ ignis listens, fascinated. it explains his great love for chocobos and avis, and he reaches up to touch his cheek briefly, curling his fingers in his hair to pet him. he knows how mcgillis likes affection, and takes to spoiling him.

the thought of a young mcgillis admiring birds is bittersweet, knowing his past and how brutal his childhood was, how he would be hurt until it didn't hurt anymore, a comment that still haunts him sometimes. ]

I'm glad Prompto shared that with you. I hope Avis and Ami adoring you are the other signs. And the friends you've made here...

[ he pauses. ] Are you a pilot, too?

[The touch to his face does settle him slightly. He leans into it, shutting his eyes.]

Mm. Perhaps the one edge I have over you, you impossibly perfect specimen.

[ he laughs softly, doting on him with gentle touches and affectionate little nuzzles. he wants to put mcgillis at ease, to learn more about him. ]

Your drawing skills, too, Mr Hotshot Pilot. And your gift for making riding in on a pink scooter look charming.

[ he hums, remembering something. ] Is the white mobile suit in the hangar yours?

[ ignis remembers seeing it in the hangar weeks back when he'd taken a tour from vidar, and he had been fascinated by the mobile suits and the pilots in the facility. and now that he knows his partner is vidar, that particular mobile suit beside his is likely... ]

Gundam Bael.

[This sort of talk was dangerous. Not because it made him angry, quite the opposite, but because he could never stifle his passion in regards to that shining white knight. It was beautiful, perfect in every way. His savior from a world of darkness, even if it was named after a demon. Even if it housed the forbidden soul of another human being.]

You should take care, Ignis. There are terrible truths in that hangar.

[He says as if that won't just encourage him.]

Gundam Bael.

[ he echoes, testing the name of it on his tongue -- ignis is not privy to any of the history, but he can tell just how important and crucial it is to mcgillis. he can see it in his eyes, and he tilts his head, even more interested and completely disregarding the warning. he wants to know just what it is that makes mcgillis light up with such purpose and passion. ]

What kinds of terrible truths?

[McGillis presses the pad of a finger to Ignis' mouth, smirking knowingly.]

Nice try. Not when I'm lounging in your arms, Ignis.

[Nice try, not today. But eventually, he was quite sure, now that Ignis' appetite had been whetted. And he was a ravenous man, almost ruthless, beneath that composed air. He could and would get that truth and would not be stopped—just halted temporarily. Just like his own terrible truth.]

Did you drag me in here for a nap? Or did your hands have other plans?

[He sees you trying that too. Deflect better, dude.]

[ ignis allows it; it's a heavy subject for another day, but mcgillis is right, he won't be letting that go. but he can wait -- this man's answers are worth waiting for.

not even stopping when caught, ignis makes sure he finishes unbuttoning before he serenely responds, giving the finger on his lips a little kiss. ]

Maybe I just don't like obstacles between your chest and I when we nap.

[ he means it, though. ignis intends to find solace in his arms right now, and find a way to distract himself from his own morose thoughts. his chest is doing a really good job of that. ]

Have you been working out more often?

I'm going to tell Noctis you're secretly a big softie.

[As if he doesn't already know. McGillis sheds his shirt with a put upon sigh, draws Ignis to his exposed chest and guides his fingers to that fragile spot—just over his heart. Monstrous nature or otherwise, it beats the same as any other man. Slow and relaxed as he smiles somewhat hazily.]

And maybe I have. I need to keep up with my dutiful instructor, after all.

[Weapons were awfully hard work. Especially the kind that weren't giant and golden.]

Noctis knows. This secret is just for you, too.

[ he's sliding his arm around him, a hand smoothing up his back as he rests his cheek on his chest, over his steadily beating heart.

proof that no matter what monstrous things mcgillis does, he's still human. ignis feels a pang of sadness when he remembers what mcgillis had said to him about his death, and he squeezes him tighter. ]

Stay. All day and through the night. I want you with me.

...I truly am sorry.

[For many things. For the lives lost, for the pain of his prince, for his own loss. But also because...]

I don't know how to love you. Truthfully, I'm not sure I ever learned at all.

[ ignis is quiet for a few moments, looking up at him. the words are bittersweet, making his heart ache.

he reaches up to cup his cheek then. oh, mcgillis. the sweet, tender man underneath that dangerous devil of one, someone who's lost, who has always had to fight and hurt others to survive. ]

But you do. And you have. All of these things you've done for me, with me, the exceptions you've made. [ has he not noticed? that he was so willing to be a listening ear, to make breakfast, that mcgillis has already opened himself to him knowing that he could be hurt but still trusting him anyway. ignis sees all these, and loves him for it. gods, he loves him, and he shouldn't. it won't end well. ]

What you've given me is enough. I will not press for more.

[No point arguing with the man over it. Maybe he hadn't been loved all his life, maybe it really was just youthful affairs and meaningless trysts, but he at least had known the love of his prince and embraced it. Gaelio was such a complicated matter he wasn't even sure what to call it anymore. Absent seemed the more appropriate term, for how far they had drifted apart.

But that was his fault and Ignis wouldn't understand that either. So McGillis just nods and lets it go; if Ignis wanted to love him, no one could stop him. Least of all McGillis himself.]

I will stay with you.

[All day and all night and some time after that.]

[ noctis is special, he always has been -- ignis has loved him before he even understood what it meant, and he would give his life for him without question, whether it's to let it burn up as the price for changing noctis' destiny, or to follow him to his death. but as it turns out, he has room to spare for mcgillis too, in whatever form it may take.

he frowns briefly at that response, and wonders. ]

McGillis. Talk to me. What are you thinking about?

[Good gods, this man was persistent. But McGillis was equally so and more than willing to resist.]

Tossing you on the back of my scooter and eloping to the nearest moon. It can fly, you know.

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